What we did on our Holidays

Right, settle down and look at my holiday album.  I have over 500 fascinating photos and you are going to study each one and listen to a story about it.  Ha ha ha!  Only joking. I tried that on my dad and look what happened.

Dad ZZZ.jpg

Look, I have film footage of a mountain!

Obviously if I did that I would bore you to death and you’d banish me from your blogging community until the end of time. So I’ve devised a fun method of boring… I mean, sharing my holiday memories with you.  Can you guess what I’ve done?

CARTOONS, YEAH!

Don’t worry, I haven’t drawn 500 odd cartoons of mountains and eagles and otters and shit. I have carefully selected the highlights of the holiday, or, if I’m honest, the bits I drew cartoons of while I was there until I got cheesed off with it and threw my sketch pad over my shoulder and settled down with the whisky on a ferry.

Slainte Mhath! (That’s Gaelic for bottoms up.)

Now then.

NORTHUMBRIA

Scotland is a long way and my partner is into astronomy so we had the brainwave to stop for two nights halfway, in Northumbria, to visit the Dark Sky Observatory and have a bit of a look around.

Astronomy.jpg

There is very low light pollution in this area so it is a perfect spot for stargazing. Unfortunately, it was cloudy when we were there so the Dark Sky was just dark, with no stars.  I was going to draw what we saw but it just looked like this.

 

 

 

 

 

Dark, isn’t it?

The journey north was relatively uneventful.

Journey to Northumbria.jpg

I’m not one to perpetuate stereotyping but the constant blue sky and sunshine did honestly turn to rain the moment we passed the sign welcoming us to the north. Truly. Luckily it was a brief shower and it clearly only did it to give me a laugh and the idea for a cartoon.

We didn’t get away very early and it grew steadily dark and late as we progressed towards our destination.  So much so that we very nearly missed seeing a prominent landmark in the twilight.

North.jpg

We were staying in a bunkhouse apartment out in the sticks and we phoned to let them know our arrival would be around midnight and asked if they could leave us the key somewhere.  The lovely gent running it promised to wait there for us and show us around before he went home. What a star! (The only one we saw…)

Midnight.jpg

The road became a sort of rollercoaster in the darkness as midnight approached.

Hills.jpg

Roads

We had no idea what was outside the car. In daylight it turned out to be wall-to-wall sheep. The road went on and on and on and on… A bit like this blog post.

Finally, we arrived and let the lovely man go home to his bed. He promised to cook us breakfast the next morning, even though he looked wrecked.

We pulled the dogs out from under all the luggage in the back of the car and unfolded their lanky long lurcher legs (don’t call the RSPCA – our dogs actually get to spreadeagle themselves luxuriously over two thirds of the car while we are scrunched in the front seats with our faces crushed against the windscreen and all the bags crammed in my footwell so I have to put my legs on the dashboard).

It’s really really dark in these cartoons so you can’t see what they are saying.  I have thoughtfully added captions below.

Silent dog1.jpg

Finally

Silent dog2

AAAhhh

One of the dogs helpfully had a sneaky poo in the dark on the campsite so we had to try and find it and pick it up. When I say it was dark, I mean it was pitch black dark. You couldn’t see ANYTHING, let alone a dark dog poo on a dark field in the dark. This is the Dark Sky Observatory on a cloudy night; darker than a black cat in a coalshed at midnight on the winter solstice. Have you noticed how the word ‘dark’ is starting to seem like a made-up word now? Or is that just me?

ANYWAY!

Silent dog3.jpg

smell it

And then the other dog started STARING at SOMETHING, in the DARK.

Silent dog4.jpg

Freaked.jpg

This is it, I thought, waiting for the Beast of The Dark Sky Park to come and get me, this is the end. Funny, I always thought I’d die choking on a bit of apple or laughing too hard at some comedy…

Anyway, it turned out to be a bin.  Gormless dog.

I’ve got more photos… don’t be a stranger…!

Come back!!! … please…?

(call me)

 

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13 thoughts on “What we did on our Holidays

  1. Fantastic post. I loved the endless road drawing. I’ve been on that road in the dark, with GPS Lost Signal, children in the backseat and the sudden realization that my eyesight is failing. It is the stuff to try the soul.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Yes, it did seem to go on forever. There were lots of “Oooh!”s and “Wheeeee!”s as we bounced over all the hills and faraway in total darkness and utter silence. My writery brain always goes into overdrive and provides me with a personal horror film at such times. ‘What if the car breaks down and my partner gets out and just… vanishes!? AAARGHHH!’ is a common plotline. I might have a go and making a comic from that… Hmmm… Watch this space.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow, I love your darker drawings. And I said darker as in “darker”, winking and scrunching up my face, trying to make a play on words but hurting my left cheek in the process. The very last one, with the low camera angle and a very concentrated looking dog is my absolute favourite. Will there be more tales of your epic holiday?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks very much. Yes, I like how they turned out. I wonder how many times the word ‘dark’ has appeared on this page? Hee hee! I hope your left cheek is okay now. That particular dog normally looks pretty clueless, hence his nickname of The Prince of Daftness. It was nice of him to warn me about the inanimate bin though, you can’t be too careful with those killer bins running loose in the countryside. I will more than likely bang on a bit longer about my holiday, which was, have I mentioned, in SCOTLAND! And we’re only in Northumbria so far! You lucky people!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ll say everything before I forget them. Great cartoons, wonderful vacation, so funny, funny (scary?) dogs, poor receptionist guy, scarier night. And Dark is totally a made up word, so is the word “word” Oh! I’m calling, pick up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Hello? Sorry I missed your call but I was out buying a laser pointer so I could give a really professional slide show to all my friends and neighbours and family of MY HOLIDAY PICS! HAR HAR HAR HAR! … Oy! … Sorry, I have to go – one of them has managed to loosen their bonds and they’re setting the others free. Thanks very much for your kindly words though. COME BACK – I HAVE FOOTAGE OF A MAN PLAYING RADIOHEAD ON BAGPIPES!!!….*click brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*”

      Liked by 2 people

  4. That first one is me when my parents come back from holiday with a million photographs…
    Looks like an eventful holiday from the moment you left home. Looking forward to seeing what you got up to next!

    Liked by 1 person

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