The Tale of Sorrow – Part 7










Awwwwwww… Aren’t babies cute when they stop all that wailing and bawling and shrieking until your nerves are frayed at the edges and you feel like your eyeballs are going to explode out of your head and your ears might melt into rivers of blood? I don’t have any kids.

What’s next for the moonstruck babe? Has anybody fed the peacocks lately? Will these drawings improve at all by next week? Does anybody care? All these questions and less may or may not be ignored next time, which may or may not be next week. See you then!


The Tale of Sorrow – Part 6

Ha – I made you wait, didn’t I. Sorry about that. In my defence, I have been in an alcohol-induced coma for a fortnight, so…  Yeah, I know, I seem to have lost a week somewhere. Hmm, interesting. I wonder if anything happened. I gather it was New Year so Happy that to you.

Anywayyyyyyy … As Bjork would whisper coquettishly – it was oh, so quiet…!












Oooh… makes the whiskers stand up on the back of your neck, don’t it? Some people are never happy, are they?

Tune in next time, when all will be revealed… or will it?

The Tale of Sorrow – Part 5









What does it mean?  What can have happened to the young princess?  Has the latest wet-nurse been knocking back copious amounts of gin?  Or has she simply tossed the troublesome infant out of the window?  I might tell you next week.  Or I might not.  Depends what mood I’m in.  Exciting!  Tune in to find out!

The Tale of Sorrow – Part 4
















Who’s going to clean up all this blood and vomit?  Will the peacocks develop a taste for the Doktor’s legs? Will Digby start shortening his screams to ‘OMG OMG OMG’?  All these burning questions plus just WHAT is making the princess so bloody grumpy anyway? – may possibly be touched upon in the next enthralling episode.

The Tale of Sorrow – Part 3









Will the Doktor be able to solve the problem for the young princess? Will the King and Queen even listen to him? If so, what else can the birds have for dinner? Is Mad-Axe Pete single? (Steady, girls!) And where does he buy those fantastic bespoke axes? (Whelkie, this is your cue to make a massive chopper joke. You’re welcome.)

All these burning questions and less may (or may not) be answered on the next thrilling instalment, pending on imminent nuclear destruction.

A is for Appropriate Adult

I’ve already told you how my zany other half comes out with some corkers, haven’t I.

The other day we were discussing the phonetic alphabet (I know, life’s a constant riot at Chez JIF) and I noticed the letter ‘R’ was sneaking into the word.  I halted, mid dog-walk, and turned to face the light of my life.  “Are you calling it the Frenetic Alphabet, my little apple dumpling strudel?”

Much hilarity then ensued as we spent the rest of the walk coming up with the words that would be appropriate.  The silence of the beautiful autumn woods reverberated with the following exclamations and general swearing until I got home and made little drawings ‘cos I thought you might like them.


A is for…

frenetic alphabet.A

And B is for…

frenetic alphabet.B

C is for…

frenetic alphabet.C

You were a bit worried then, weren’t you.

D is for…

frenetic alphabet.D

And E is for…

frenetic alphabet.E

That one is pretty much how my face looks each day when i wake up and realise THIS is the reality and that was the dream.

frenetic alphabet.F

frenetic alphabet.G

frenetic alphabet.H

frenetic alphabet.I

frenetic alphabet.J

frenetic alphabet.K

frenetic alphabet.L

frenetic alphabet.M

frenetic alphabet.N.jpg

frenetic alphabet.O

frenetic alphabet.P.jpg

frenetic alphabet.Q.jpg

frenetic alphabet.R.jpg

frenetic alphabet.T.jpg

frenetic alphabet.U

frenetic alphabet.V

frenetic alphabet.W

frenetic alphabet.X

frenetic alphabet.Y

frenetic alphabet.Z.jpg

I would love to hear your alternative versions of any of the above as this was all a bit spur of the moment and entailed no real thought.  Please feel free to make new and improved suggestions in the comments section below.

This is available as a wall chart if you want to teach your kids the alphabet.

frenetic alphabet.1.jpg


Where are you going?

The C-Word

People keep mentioning it. There’s a certain type of music playing in the shops and twinkly lights are starting to appear in windows. I am fighting against the tide but…

Okay, these are the cards I will be sending out this year –

Xmas cards 2017.1.jpgXmas cards 2017.2.jpgXmas cards 2017.3.jpg

Are you happy now? Are you?

Just don’t mention the C-Word!

In the words of one of my dearest friends – “Bah!”


Fools Rush In – The Answer is…

Okay, for those of you who have clung on to the will to live and are still interested – here is the list of songs and artists from my Inktober 2017 postings. Finally, you will be put out of your misery…

Fools Rush In.jpg

Day 1 – Lullaby by The Cure

Day 2 – Heart-Shaped Box by Nirvana

Day 3 – Ruby Tuesday by The Rolling Stones

Day 4 – Parklife by Blur

Day 5 – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini by Brian Hyland

Day 6 – Fish by Mr Scruff

Day 7 – Poison Arrow by ABC

Day 8 – One Day Like This by Elbow

Day 9 – Loving The Alien by David Bowie

Day 10 – Let’s Stick Together by Bryan Ferry

Day 11 – Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

Day 12 – Sorted for E’s and Wizz by Pulp

Day 13 – I Am The Walrus by The Beatles

Day 14 – Born Slippy by Underworld

Day 15 – Wherever I lay My Hat (That’s My Home) by Paul Young

Day 16 – Raspberry Beret by Prince

Day 17 – The Less I Know the Better by Tame Impala

Day 18 – Cool For Cats by Squeeze

Day 19 – There’s A Guy Works Down The Chip Shop Swears He’s Elvis by Kirsty MacColl

Day 20 – Stop Me If You Think You’ve Heard This One Before by The Smiths/Mark Ronson

Day 21 – Spent The Day In Bed by Morrissey

Day 22 – Black Dog by Led Zeppelin

Day 23 – Horse With No Name by America

Day 24 – Temptation by Heaven 17

Day 25 – Firestarter by The Prodigy

Day 26 – Ghost Town by The Specials

Day 27 – Who Wants The World by The Stranglers

Day 28 – The End by The Doors

Day 29 – Escape (The Pina Colada Song) by Rupert Holmes

Day 30 – The Time Warp by Richard O’Brien

Day 31 – Wannabe by The Spice Girls

(Sorry, these links only go to the drawings, not to some amazing disco.)


Phewwwwww! I’m going for a lie-down now. Wake me up when Christmas is over.

Lie here