The C-Word

People keep mentioning it. There’s a certain type of music playing in the shops and twinkly lights are starting to appear in windows. I am fighting against the tide but…

Okay, these are the cards I will be sending out this year –

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Are you happy now? Are you?

Just don’t mention the C-Word!

In the words of one of my dearest friends – “Bah!”



#Inktober 2017

Hello there, yes, I know there have been no posts for some time. What can I say – I have had one hell of a lot of Procrastination to catch up on. Anyway, I thought I’d pick up the pens again and do Inktober this year, so here it is.

If you don’t know, Inktober is explained here – What the devil is Inktober?

Dese is da rules –

  1. Make a drawing in ink
  2. Post it online
  3. Hashtag it with #Inktober and #Inktober2017
  4. Repeat every day of October

There is an official prompt list, which can be found on the above link, along with lots of other tips on drawing and pens etc.

I will not be following this official prompt list, ‘cos I’m a bit like that sometimes, you know, a bit wayward and naughty in a cute and lovable sort of way. Instead, as it’s always a bit of a disco round at our house,  I will be drawing some stuff inspired by song lyrics.

I SAY! HERE’S FUN! – Why not see if you can guess the song title and/or artist from the lyrics… Just an idea, if you fancy it. If not, don’t.


Here goes – Bon Voyage!




Salty Sea Dogs

More holiday giddiness for those crazy masochists who asked for it –

I’m not going to assault you with a blow-by-blow account of the whole time – instead I have condensed it into a sort of smoothie full of goodness where you don’t notice the unpleasant green unidentified bits because they are disguised by the yummy red bits. Have at you!

Ceud Mìle Fàilte – A Hundred Thousand Welcomes

There was a lot of driving on this holiday.  When I say ‘there was’ what I mean is – my partner did a lot of driving. I can’t help out because I drive like a maniac and the DVLA very sensibly declined to let me have a licence after what I did on that roundabout a few years ago. So, well done to my long-suffering other half for concentrating for so long all up and down the country and around much of the Scottish west coast and all the islands whose roads we wore down. You can rest that clutch leg now; sshhh, it’s all over. (Sob!)

Northumbria had much to offer –

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I don’t know how we made it out into the sticks because when we tried to continue our journey from Northumbria the signal for the Sat Nav was harder to find than the legendary red squirrels in Kielder Forest.


I had to get the map out like someone from the 1990s. Luckily, I enjoy a good map and soon I was immersed in this new vintage reading material. The possibilities were endless – a coastline you simply MUST see and this road is stunning and that road takes you through some fascinating historic…


The west coast of Scotland is all wiggly and rural and hence rather beautiful in a ‘the nearest shop is 50 miles away and all we’ve got is digestive biscuits’ kind of way. That was pretty much the situation we found ourselves in once we’d located our secluded island cottage fairly late at night.  Cue a mad dash to the nearest town and a swoop around Tesco because it was the only place open. And – relax.

Take a deep breath and inhale that lungful of midgies. AHHHHH!

“Scotland – the auld country.” (A line from my favourite film – Local Hero.)

So much to see and do. We visited a different island each day, thus making good use of the variety of ferry services around the coast.

Some were big.

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And some were small.

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Some were challenging to get dogs onto.

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And sometimes there were already other dogs on there.

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Following his initial reluctance to gain sea legs, our dog became a natural and by the end of the week he was boring us with his tall tales of kraken and other mythical sea monsters.

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Our other dog was less concerned with floors that moved up and down and more worried about the laminated one in our cottage, which really hated her arthritic legs and sent them sprawling in all directions.  We have the same problem at home though so we had come prepared. With DOG SOCKS. Which are worth their weight in comedy gold. Honestly, even if your dog has no problem with slippery floors, just get some.  Even if you don’t have a dog – get some and put them on your kitchen utensils, they are hilarious.

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The weather on the west coast was plentiful and constantly changing.  Whatever clothes you wear, they will be suitable at some point during any given day.

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Trench foot

We were relieved to be missing what sounded like a violent heatwave in the south of the country. Each time I spoke to my dad on the phone (when I managed to find a phone signal for 5 minutes on our travels) I could hear his eyeballs melting as he talked. One particularly memorable day we had just returned to the cottage from a beach and a conveniently timed thunderstorm threw itself at us with force. We happened to have the radio on and heard the newsreader say the words –


Oh, we did laugh but not in a malicious way, you understand. The timing was just so perfect.

Our cottage was a cosy getaway with a wildlife haven of a garden. Although it was a joy to observe voles scurrying and birds flurrying, the dogs were unable to roam freely as the whole area was made entirely of sheep. Hardy Scottish sheep at that, with tattoos and piercings. Some evenings we got home to find them trying to break in and claim squatter’s rights.


(I honestly did see a sheep wearing a shawl of bracken like this.)

For a further flavour of the mood please see ‘Whisky and Haggis (if you haven’t looked already) – my attempts at painting with Inktense (‘Cos, like, I’m on holiday and I’m gonna be all arty, man) which can be found Here.

If we learned only one thing during our Scottish break it was about ourselves –

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Meanwhile, back at home –

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Finally, bagpipes. You know you want to hear some. I only saw one wee boy busking with a set on the waterfront in sunny Oban but I recklessly mentioned Radiohead in the comments of my last post so here you go – enjoy.

Radiohead on bagpipes, yes, really.



Whisky and Haggis

What ho!  I been on me holidays ain’t I!  I’m still drifting on that holiday vibe so I’m feeling a bit horizontal – which is my excuse for not having done you a jolly cartoon to giggle at. However, you’re in luck as I spent some of my holiday time playing with my Inktense blocks and I produced a small handful of laughable… shall we call them ‘experiments’? I warn you now that I’m rubbish with a paintbrush so don’t go getting your hopes up. Anyway, just to tide you over until I get my derriere in gear, here, for your delectation, are some bits of my beloved Scotland.

Don’t laugh, unless you’re laughing WITH me…

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There was a lovely beach with a zipwire next to it.  I had to, didn’t I?


Our dogs had a poo on a different island every day, it sort of became the daily challenge.

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Gigha is a beautiful tiny island off the west coast of Scotland and it was my personal highlight of the holiday.  Due to the generous number of sheep in Scotland the dogs spent a lot of time on the lead so they were most delighted to be set free on a stunning beach where they could stretch their lurcher legs.

In our quest to get dog poop on a different island each day we ventured onto one that I, having been brought up on Famous Five novels, got it into my head that we weren’t meant to be on unless we were rich and/or famous and staying at the posh hotel/spa that owned it.  There was a road bridge, so we just drove on, and there were these grand signs everywhere and I immediately felt naughty as we parked on the crunchy gravel and went for a walk past the golf course and down to the jetty where the loaded folks moored their yachts.


No gruff gamekeepers came out to shoot us and we didn’t end up in Scaramanga’s underground lair so it was all fine.  However, we did feel guilty enough that one of us went in and booked an eyelash tint so that we could justify our presence on the secret millionaire’s playground island.

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I did TRY to look like I was someone famous as I walked along, just in case we were challenged.


Bumpy bits.

Okay, that’s the whisky finished.  Normal service will be resumed once I get the sand out of my pants.

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I’m thinking Cee has a hankering for a holiday this week…

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What is the most famous landmark or building you have ever seen?

Big Ben, Stonehenge and Ben Nevis.  Phew, that was one exhausting day.


Do you like long vacation or lots of mini-vacations?

Both, please.

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What is your favorite National or State Park?

The Lake District but only because the Scottish Highlands and Islands are not one.

What is your fantasy vacation?

I’d like to sail in some sort of lovely little yacht (with a small crew because, crikey, I can’t drive this thing!) all around the west coast of Scotland, stopping off at various islands and deserted beaches to indulge in a bit of beachcombing, creation of sand sculptures and photography.


Bon voyage!



Jifosophy 4

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Let’s talk while we eat…

Does your first or middle name have any significance (or were you named after another family member)?

My middle name means ‘Peace’ but I am named after various family members and have ended up with the initials – JIF. I wasn’t half cross when they renamed the cleaning product CIF.  Hey, maybe with the wonderful opportunities afforded to our newly-fractured country (thanks Cameron) we’ll get JIF back on the shelves.  Every cloud…

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Music or silence while working?


Music for dancing, silence for working.

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If you had a special place for your three most special possessions (not including photos, electronics, people or animals), what would they be?

If I could drive it would be my VW campervan, which I haven’t got.  Then I could take my special possessions to the beach.  Three special things?  It all depends on my moods.  I’ve got a couple of rather lovely tarot decks featuring classical works of art, which I’d probably run into a burning house to rescue as I paid so much for them.  Ditto my bloody gorgeous six volume boxed edition of Proust’s In Search of Lost Time (which, ironically, I can never find the time to continue reading).  And, thirdly, the pile of chaos on and around my desk, which includes all the crap I need to draw, paint, create and craft all the various things I feel the urge to produce at any given moment.

The Never List: What are things you know you never will do?

Get married, have children, move to the USA, vote Conservative, climb Everest, swim the Channel, wear anything orange.  I feel especially strongly about the orange thing.

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See, I haven’t even got a proper orange pen.

Cee’s Share Your World






Little Monster Girl suggested I join in with Cee’s Share Your World so I thought I would have a bash and see how it goes.  Each week there are four questions –

Ever ran out of gas in your vehicle? 

My legs are my vehicle and yes.


Which are better: black or green olives?


If you were a great explorer, what would you explore?

The human psyche.


Quotes List: At least three of your favorite quotes?

I have a number of these on my desktop for permanent motivation.  I struggled to whittle it down to five.

“Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” – Omar Khayyam

“Laughter is an instant vacation.”- Milton Berle

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – E.E. Cummings

“A person without a sense of humour is like a wagon with no springs. It is jolted by every pebble on the road.” – Henry Ward Beecher


Jifosophy – just shut up and laugh.